Delft...

My second home, my childhood memories of beach, fun and laidback way of living... This was historical and yet modern place to grow up and I wouldn't have it otherwise- given the choice.

Made With Love...

Coffee is a reflection of me; down to earth, carefree and 80% fuss free. Start the day with a good deal of energy, but gradually burn out. I like my coffee very cosmopolitan- like and expressive. At my best behaviour I am energetic and ambitious, but on my worst behaviour I am irritable and bitchy (no nicer word for it). If love was just as easy as coffee - hot, sweet and strong- life would be a bliss. Just as it should be... But it is not!!!

‘…Coffee and love are best when they are hot…’

Don't Forget Me...

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

"...Life without love is like a tree without blossom and fruit..."

By Kahlil Gibran

J'adore...

"...I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever..."

A New Morning...

Your smile is like gentle breeze, your kisses like powerful thunder. This is me, this is you, and this is us. I love you and I have million reasons to love you but I am scared to look into your eyes and see our love just died. We once laughed as friends, but never as more. The silence breached a gap to distance us apart. I miss the laughs I used to get from you. Your laughter used to melt this heart of mine. I miss the talks we used to have. And above all I just miss you. But to end it like this..? I don’t know how to heal from that. I have lost my way and gained nothing but a big heartache.

Another day has swept by... Slowly days are passing, deeply and burning I am healing. Now and then tears appear, remembering all the bad things. We fell in love somehow and parted the only way you knew how. My soul is halved and my heart empty. There is no remedy for love but to love more, but I am not doing such thing. They say love is an act of endless forgiveness, so I forgive if only to move forward. Only to welcome a new beginning, a new morning.

You are forgiven...

My Love...

"...Cause if you only knew what I felt for you

You would have held on tighter

Fought a little harder

Been a little smarter and now you're gonna miss my love

And one day soon you'll see

You'll reach out for me

Boy you had a keeper

Didn't know how to treat her

Should have felt a little deeper and now you're gonna miss my love..."

Roc...

"...If I wrote a book about where we stand
The title of my book would be "Life with Superman"
That's how you make me feel
I count you as a privilege
This love is so ideal
I'm honored to be in it
I know you feel the same
I see it everyday
In all the things you do
In all the things you say

You are my roc
Baby you're the truth
You are my roc
I love to rock with you
You are my roc
You're everything I need
You are my roc
So baby rock with me

If I wanna try to count the ways
You make me smile
I'll run out of fingers
Before I run out of time
The things to talk about
Suga you keeps it going on
Make me wanna keep my lovin strong
Make me wanna try my best
To give you what you want and what you need
Give you my whole heart, not just a little piece
More than a minimum, I'm talking everything
More than a single wish, I'm talking every dream

If there's options, I dont want them
They're not worth my time
Cuz if it's not you, oh no thank you
I like us just fine
You're a rock in the sand
You're a smile and a cry
You're my joy through the pain
You're the truth through the lies
No matter what I doI know that I can count on you..."

I Love Books...

I am a big fan of reading. Reading liberates the mind and often the heart. It entices you to live through different people- a life different to yours. Most importantly of all, it teaches you. Knowledge is the best tool we could possess and it comes in different forms and different ways.

With You...

When I am with you I lose control
I can’t control my heart and knees
From time to time I lose my sanity
I am not even me
When I am with you
I am free from heartache and pain
When I am with you I feel complete
As you made me fall in love again

Remembrance Part III...

'IMRAN IBN HUSAYN SAID:

"The prophet(Peace and Blessing Be Upon Him) said, 'Some people of this ummah(nation) will be swallowed by the earth, transformed into animals, and some will be bombarded with stones.' One of the muslims asked, when will that be O Messenger of Allah?' He (Peace and Blessing Be Upon Him) said, 'When singers and musical instruments will become popular, and much wine is drunk.'

THE GREATER SIGNS OF THE HOUR:
The Quran will disappear in one night, even from the people's hearts, and no Ayah will be left on earth. (Some groups of old people will be left who will say: "We heard of fathers' saying "LAILLAHA ILLA ALLAH" so we repeat it)

Seeking Something That Doesn't Exist...

What happened to the world that I once known? I am missing the little things that once mattered to me… The warmth of the smiles and good words are part of the ghost of the past…

Like a lost future we miss what we left before and like wishful present we try to recapture all the things that used to make everything worthwhile.

We look at the gravestones and long for them to be here… shedding a tear for lost loves... angry with what time took…whispering lowly ‘God, how I am missing you’

We walk past an old lady being robbed because we fear about ones soul… We fix our eyes on our feet, whispering quietly ‘Please God, don’t let them see me’

I wish…. I wish…. I wish…for what?

Lately I feel life is getting out of control. We reached a point of no return. A state of self destruction… In a haze we try to make sense of this world by doing all the things that got us into this situation in the first place.

These days I am aware of death and sadness. I fear that it will be soon before long… soon before we are extinct and the lost future occupies the ghost of the past…

I wish…I wish…I wish…for what?

I worry that wishes are desperate attempts to grab hold of life. So I blow this last burning candle out and close my eyes- a dewdrop of sadness falling down my cheek. The passion gone from everyone’s eyes... The smile gone from their lips... The warmth of their hands replaced by coldness… Nothing but whispers… Whispers of how we miss… Miss what time took. Please return our wishes back…. Bring it back….

A New Leaf...

I see a light, out of the darkness and I'm coming alive. I handled more than I should, more than I deserved. I was on the verge of collapse as I kept blocking out bad things instead of letting them in and dissolving them. After months, wounds were healed and time made for a brighter day. Peace appeared, fashionably late, with passion.

The sun is setting now, with a pinkish glow. I am finally content. The despair that grappled me and the songs without time is gone. The gentle whispers of prayer and the slow motion of my life remain. The life without a direction, a soul always on vacation and a heart in a rhythmically beat

Love is good as long as it lasts, than it is mean as a snake. It is peaceful like a hibernating bear until disturbed. It is a savvy shape shifter that changes over time.

What we know is not much. What we don't know is enormous. It is a legend, a myth. That is exactly what love is about; that is what my life is about. It is mysterious, exotic and quite frankly scary. But it is mine and I got only one.

Love or Infatuation...

I seemed to be from a totally different time, a different creation, a different person. I have heard of these words, but what do they really mean? Words which made me feel like an outcast so I looked inward and found stories I could create to relieve myself of worldly drama; a rehab if you may.

A rehab based in a serene palace; with a mixture of wilderness and sensitivity, a huge skyline at night and an ancient place where koalas relax in the deep wilderness. Closing my eyes I drop my head in one hand, tilt it back and stare into the space. I am battling between my head and heart; struggling with the desire to do something. I can't seem to trust my heart lately; believing it will lead me astray. My head is the more sensible of the two; but do I really need sensibility?

I spend nights wondering what it would feel like to be protected and days looking for the light of love. When will the waiting end and the dream turn into reality? How long before long becomes soon and the waiting is over and tomorrow can start.

With two eyes of my own I made a choice; a choice of falling in love; a pleasure deep and true. Love was never finished for me. If I loved someone, I loved them forever. I know many will say that I could simply not have expressed love, but I know what my heart felt at that time. It felt as if I was magically removed from this world into a world of greatness. It was eternal, infinite and true. At least that is what I thought it was; how I was wrong. True, I felt something and it was love, but it wasn't true and it definitely wasn't infinite.

In the beginning it came to me as a combination of soft breeze and torturous tornado; it was exciting and new. Yet on the way, in moments of affection, my heart turned into liquid and then into stone in a matter of minute. My head spun as if on ecstasy. My heart sang songs unknown and the end reminded me of what could have been. Instead I was left with pain worthy of great poets and songs inspiring enough for singers.

Het Land Van...

"...Dit is het land waar ik verloren heb, bedrogen ben
Kom uit het land waar ik geboren en getogen ben..."

"...Kom uit het land wat tikt als een tijdbom
Het land dat eet om zes uur en ook nog eens op tijd komt..."

"...Dit is het land waar ik thuis kom na vakantie..."

Random...

"...Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional..!"

By E. Hubbard

Long Walk Home...

I never knew what enough was, until I found out that I had to know what is more than enough; even after that I still felt more confused than before I started. Whatever I take, I take too much or too little; I do not take the exact amount.

Before I traveled my road I was my road. The road was new to me and it was a story in the making. All my life it was just me and my dreams; dreaming away my days. Just like the beat of my heart, the days ticked away- until days turn into seconds then into nothing. I wasted a lot of time running after people I could have caught by just standing still. Half of my life I spend reasoning with people. Talking a person out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into. I had wanderlust and stories so vivid and extraordinary in my mind filled with depth and wisdom.

As eggs cannot be unscrambled, I cannot go back in time and fix what needed fixing. Truth be told, would I have fixed what made me; the memories -good and bad- helped me become the woman I am today and I wouldn't be the same person without them. One does what one is; one becomes what one does and I became a long way with past scratches. I mean, what deep wounds ever closed without a scar?

Thoughtful...

"...I'm no stranger, just a friend you haven't yet met..."

Broken...

At times I see you

You silver rider

Sometimes your voice is not enough

Your face in windows

Outside forever

Nobody dreamed you'd save the world

The march is over

The great destroyer

She passes through you like a knife

Oh take me with you

You silver rider

Sometimes your voice is not enough

"Silver Rider" by Low

Last Spring...

Maybe I dream too much, I am surprised in a way I never imagined. My soul is blessed because of you. Not a moment goes by without thinking of you; those sweet nothings. I never thought I’d feel such an emotion. My heart beat is rising, my palms are sweating and my vision is blurred. There are moments that I miss you, so much that I just want to pick you from my dreams and hug you.

My love for you is like a cloud without a rain. It is a joy without pain... It is a disease without a cure... It is you and me miles apart. It is the void in my heart, my yearning for you. I love you, and wish you'd care. Know that I care for you as you mean so much to me. I promise you I show you a better way. But I only dream, for a dream can bring true the wish never thought. The dreams are gone now, I gave my heart wholly away and now I have to sit back and face the music.

The memories are haunting me; life without you seems like an empty world. I don’t know who I have become; I am stuck between the present and the future. Now we don’t even keep in touch any more, since you been gone.

The more I learn, the less I understand. Calm emotions take hold of me. You're everything I want in a man, but I’m scared to tell you that I love you. So I keep what I feel for you inside, because I don’t know how you feel.Tell me the remedy for a broken heart, for I do not know. Days feel like weeks, I can’t get you out of my mind. How do I start picking up the pieces? When can I stop loving you? Do you still remember my name, my love?