Cinderella...

Here I am again, trying to keep the fairy tale going; trying to find a balance between reality and fairy tale. I am the sort of person to jump headfirst into deep waters only to come out with muddy feet. Whenever a cut heals, another emerges out of nowhere. Lately I am getting more irritable and switch into a mood swings without given anyone any notice. My emotions run deep; intangible impressions that cannot be exact… I have million and one questions, but no answers. I feel like talking to myself most of the time with just empty echoes as response. How I long for a deep sleep dreaming instead of an endless tormented sleep. I swallow up my screaming and think of the long holiday I need to recover from life’s many diverse pressures. Today is the day to ponder and to wonder as I am basking underneath the warm golden sun, thinking of life.

If I were I to get married will I turn into the typical scenario of husband and wife or will I keep my dreamy ways and just flow with life..? What will I become..? Will I lose my childish ways, will I lose that playful manner, and will I lose my philosophical touches and my feminine/tomboyish wiles..? Who will I become in 5 to 10 years..? Will I be able to recognize myself being a mother, a wife and professional midwife..? Will I be more than I thought I could be or less than I dreamed..? The truth of the matter is that the more I think, the more I move away from reality. The more I learn, the less I understand. The more I become older, the less vivid the fairy tale picture becomes. I know that change is inevitable but I want to change into a greater person that I know I can be; I want to change just like everyone else, but only the way I deserve...